Tantrums can feel overwhelming – not just for toddlers, but for parents and whānau, too. But at Koru Kids Early Learning Centre, we see them for what they really are: a completely normal part of development and a key opportunity for learning, connection, and emotional growth.
Understanding why toddlers have tantrums helps us respond not with frustration, but with empathy. With the right tools, these intense moments can become stepping stones toward emotional resilience. And at Koru Kids ELC, that’s exactly how we approach them.
Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?
Tantrums are how small tamariki express big feelings they haven’t yet learned to manage or explain. Emotional outbursts are often a response to frustration, hunger, tiredness, or sudden changes in routine. And while it can feel like these moments come out of nowhere, they’re closely tied to brain development.
Consider that toddlers are still learning how to regulate their emotions. Just like learning to walk or talk, this takes time and support. Their brains aren’t yet fully wired to process strong feelings or delay reactions. That’s why managing tantrums isn’t about ‘fixing’ a child’s behaviour, but guiding them with calm consistency as they grow.
What Tantrums Can Teach Us
It helps to remember: tantrums aren’t ‘bad behaviour’, they’re communication. They tell us something is going on beneath the surface, whether it’s a missed nap, a need for attention, or a feeling of powerlessness.
When we stay calm and respond with empathy, we model toddler emotional regulation strategies in real time. This teaches tamariki that emotions are normal, and there are ways to work through them. Every outburst is a chance to connect, support, and guide your little one through something they haven’t yet learned to manage alone.
How Teachers at Koru Kids Respond
At Koru Kids, our kaiako respond to tantrums gently and consistently, using techniques rooted in empathy, trust, and positive behaviour guidance. Across all three rooms – Te Aroha (0–2 years), Mahira (2–3.5 years), and Pakiki (3.5–5 years) – we adapt our approach to each age and stage of development.
In the Te Aroha room, we offer comfort, gentle language, and simple emotional labels like “you’re feeling sad” or “you wanted the toy.” With toddlers in Mahira, we start introducing choices and basic coping tools. In Pakiki, our tamariki are guided to name their feelings and begin solving small social challenges with support.
Whether it’s through breathing techniques, distraction, a cuddle, or helping them find the words for what they feel, our aim is always the same: to meet the child with kindness, and help them learn from the experience.
Tips for Parents and Whānau: Managing Tantrums at Home
The same strategies we use at Koru Kids can work at home too. When a tantrum hits, your calm response is one of the most powerful tools you have.
- Stay steady – take a deep breath and ground yourself before responding
- Name the feeling – “you’re upset because you wanted to keep playing”
- Set loving boundaries – it’s okay to say no, and still offer comfort
- Don’t rush the fix – sometimes your child just needs to cry and feel safe doing so
- Reflect later – talk about what happened once your child is calm
These positive parenting tantrum tips help children feel seen and understood, even when they’re struggling – and that makes all the difference.
Building Emotional Resilience Over Time
Handled with patience and empathy, tantrums can lay the foundation for healthy emotional development. Over time, your child will begin to use the tools you’ve modelled – naming feelings, using calming strategies, and navigating frustration with growing confidence.
At Koru Kids, we nurture these skills every day. Our respectful, relationship-based approach helps tamariki build emotional resilience that stays with them well beyond their early years.
You’re Not Alone
Tantrums are tough, but they’re also temporary. Furthermore, with connection, consistency, and guidance, they become powerful moments of growth.
If you’d like to learn more about our approach to behaviour and emotional development at Koru Kids ELC, get in touch. Or, explore our services to see how we walk alongside tamariki and their whānau through every stage of early learning.